The beginning

When little girls are growing up they like to play house.
Being the oldest child with 2 younger brothers at the time, I was always the mother of my pretend family.
At the time my mother gave me an African American baby doll. I loved that baby! If you saw me you saw my baby doll.
I would get asked if I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up. I would always say, ” yes, with a smile” .

At the same time I was a care free, wild, tomboy.
I was not what my mother dreamed of when it came to her little girl. A mother dreams of her little girl in a cute frilly dress and cute hair bows but I was the total opposite. I loved playing in the mud, hunting and fishing with my dad. I could do anything a boy could do and sometimes better than they could do it.
Life was great!
Then at 7 years old I noticed changes in my body so my mom took me to the doctor. It was confirmed, I was becoming a woman at the age of 7.
Not knowing then that it was just a drop in the bucket of what was to come. I was prescribed hormones injections to stop my period. Looking back now I wonder if that had anything to do with some of my medical mysteries. At the age of 12 I had my very first blinding migraine. Scan after scan and they could not find out anything. More and more medical problems occurred.
The older I became the more I grew into my womanhood. The more I wanted to find my Prince charming.
Fast forward to 2019 I married the love of my life, the one my heart longed for. A few short months after we were married we decided to start a family. Days turned into months, months turned into years.
And no sign of being able to get pregnant.

With issues I have had in the past I decided to go to the doctor. I nervously walked in the door of my first visit. Doctor Erin greeted me with a smile. She listened to all my issues, concerns and history of my womanhood. She took a personal concern for me and wanted to get to the bottom of my medical mystery.
She ordered blood work. When it came back my prolactin levels were high. Prolactin is a hormone that helps breastfeeding momma’s make milk. She knew what was wrong. She said I think you have a pituitary tumor. She wanted me to go see a neurologist. She wanted me to get to the bottom of this before starting a family.

Neurologist after neurologist,Dr after Dr and still no answers.I got the diagnosis of ” you are a redhead, it’s normal for redheads”, “Maybe if you would drink more water it would help”, the reason you have been have headache for 10 years is because you are to reliant on Tylenol”, “If you lost weight you wouldn’t have migraines and you would have lighter periods”.

With nowhere to turn I felt hopeless, I felt like a failure! My own body is against me. So, I delt with daily migraines and unanswered questions.

One month I woke up in a pool of blood. I was freaking out and I called my mom. She has always been one my biggest advocates. I went to urgent care and was brushed off so she rushed me to an emergency room where they ran test after test. The doctor came in and asked if there was any chance I could be pregnant. I said yes. He said you are bleeding so much I think you might be miscarrying. Broken hearted I waited for the results to come back. The doctor said you are not pregnant but you need to see a OB/GYN for the heavy bleeding. Unfortunately Dr Erin had passed away so I made an appointment at my local OB/GYN office. The time came for my appointment, I was nervous and scared.
The Dr came through the door of the examination room and stops. ” Oh, she says the reason you are bleeding a lot is because you have red hair”!
“The only option I have for you is birth control. If you don’t want to be put on birth control then I can’t do anything for you”!
In tears, I said no thanks that I didn’t want to take birth control. She has absolutely no concern for me! She didn’t want to discuss any other options and she walked out of the room . I gathered up my purse and shamefully looked down so noone in the waiting room would see me crying.

I got out to the car and called my husband and told him what had happened. He was the only person that could calm me down when I was in a panic.
From then on I decided to take my own health in my hands. With the help of my husband and mother we sat down and looked at different Doctors. Neurologist, OB/GYN, Endocrinologist, Holistic Doctors.

One night I was talking with my sister-in-law and she told me about this amazing Neurologist she was seeing. Her name was Doctor Li. I made an appointment right away to see her. She was sweet, kind, and friendly. She had a genuine concern for me and my health issues. She couldn’t believe all that I had been through and how I had been put off by Doctors over the years. Dr Li ordered more tests and scans.

The anticipation of waiting for the results was unreal. The worry of being put down, rejected and belittled was in the back of my mind. Dr Li brought me back in for the test results. Indeed I had a pituitary tumor. This explained most of my medical mysteries that has been plaguing me for over 10 years. Dr Li explained that it was going to be a slow process in getting the right medications and the right dosages for me. I had waited this long so I was up for the challenge! A few different medications changes, a spinal tap and a few months later I can now say that I’m headache free! You have no idea how good life is to be headache free after having a headache every day of your life for 10 years. To be able to function better, to be able to see better and to be pain free is amazing!!


I immediately thought back to Doctor Erin’s words about how I need to fix myself before starting a family.
I was broken. I didn’t know where to start so I didn’t. Well one day I was feeling different so I took a test waiting in anticipation. I flipped over the test, I couldn’t believe my eyes!! 2 lines!! The excitement,the joy inside of me was unreal! I couldn’t wait for my husband to get home to tell him the news! After 2 years we were finally having a baby! A few days later I had really bad cramps and started bleeding. Scared and let down I couldn’t bear to go to the doctor. I was ashamed.
What kind of woman can’t have children for her husband? Why was my body at war with me?
I wish I would have gone to the doctor to find out if I truly was pregnant. I mourn for the baby that I didn’t really know was there. Depression set in, I was asking God why me? Why do you let people have babies that abuse and mistreat them? Why do you let unmarried girls have babies and not me? Why do I have to go through this when there are women that can sleep with anybody and get pregnant by 10 different men?
Why?
After 3 1/2 years of marriage and no babies I decided enough is enough. A friend of mine told me about her OB/GYN so I made an appointment.
She listened to my complete story. I told her I hate my body and hate that I feel like I’m not a real woman. She told me that my body was perfect and I’m the toughest woman. After some tests she diagnosed me with PCOS. I felt lost and defeated again. She gave me options and hope for the future. We made a plan. Even though we were on the right track I still felt depressed. I woke up one morning and just set up and cried. I let myself mope around and half the day was gone. All of a sudden it felt like God told me to use your experience to help others. Yes, it’s hard but you are strong because I am with you. I didn’t know where to go and what to do so I asked my husband and told him my thoughts about starting this blog and he was so supportive.
So this is what I’m doing! This blog is going to be real, its going to be hard, and truthful facts about dealing with PCOS. Come on my journey though the Hills and the valleys and let’s find peace.